


And I swear

by NotfunnyDean (IronEyes)



Series: SPN Song Challenge 2019 [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Arthur is not in the fic but mentioned a lot, Bottom Dean Winchester, Break Up, Castiel Saves Dean, Crying!Dean, First Kiss, First Time, Jealous!Cas, Loving Sex, M/M, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, hurt!Dean, two idiots in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-24 02:12:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18160106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronEyes/pseuds/NotfunnyDean
Summary: Dean knows that Arthur is treating him badly, but he had worse in his life and besides, it’s not like the person he really loves wants him back.





	And I swear

**Author's Note:**

> And here we goooo. Another fic! 
> 
> It's for the Song Challenge Bingo. This one was for the square 'I swear' from All-4-One. 
> 
> I really love this song and the lyrics broke my heart a bit, so I thought I would break all your hearts as well. (And put them back together, too.)

It’s just after midnight when Castiel hears the heavy door of the bunker. He is sitting at the table in the war room and puts his book aside. He wasn’t reading it anyway, since he just stayed up to wait for Dean.

“Fuck.” Dean mutters when he tries to stumble down the stairs in the darkness. Castiel wonders, why he doesn’t turn the lights on. The tiny lamp that stands next to Castiel on the table is not enough light for Dean to see anything.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel says and he watches how Dean jerks way too hard at those two words, before he nearly falls down the stairs. Castiel would’ve been with him in two seconds, but Dean catches himself easily. So he is not drunk.

“Son of a bitch! What are you doing here?” Dean says and he sounds more angry than most of the times. Since Dean started dating Arthur, he isn’t the same and it hurts Castiel a lot, but if he was good at anything, it was ignoring his feelings for Dean's sake.

“I was reading.” Castiel says and Dean frowns at him. Seems like he doesn’t really believe him and Castiel holds his gaze for longer than necessary. They do that a lot and Castiel enjoys the moment more than he should.

“You have any beer there?” Dean asks and finally comes a bit closer to him. Castiel moves his hand and two bottles with cold beer appear on the table. Dean sighs a bit happily and sits down.

Castiel doesn’t ask him about the black eye, which is obvious when Dean sits down in the light of the tiny lamp.

“How was your night?” Castiel asks quietly, when Dean already choked down half of his beer. He has been drinking a lot for the last weeks and it worries Castiel to no end, but he is sure Dean would be even more angry if he asked him about it.

“Fine.” Dean answers, which is such an obvious lie that Castiel clenches his fists under the table. Why are the Winchester’s always so stubborn and never ask for any help.

“Good to know.” Castiel says in the end. Dean just nods and then finished the rest of his bottle before he gets up. Castiel sighs quietly, he really wishes Dean would tell him and Sam about the things Arthur does to him.

Just as Dean is nearly at the big archway, he stops and looks back to Castiel.

“Cas?” He asks and this time he doesn’t sound angry or even annoyed. Now he sounds small and afraid of the answer to a question he never asked before. Castiel sits up and tries to look as friendly as he can manage, with still seeing Dean’s black eye.

“Yes Dean?” Castiel asks back and Dean swallows dryly. Castiel can see how hard his mind is working and he smiles softly at Dean.

“Do you… I mean do you think you will stay with us forever?” Dean asks and Castiel tilts his head to one side. He isn’t really sure why Dean is asking such a ridiculous question, but he isn’t even sure if he understands it.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asks back and Dean sighs. For a tiny second, Castiel believes that he will laugh it off now, or just pretend it never happened, but then he takes another deep breath.

“Just, you know, you went kinda dark-side before and I did horrible things myself and... will you stay anyway? No matter how stupid I am?” Dean asks and he sounds scared that the answer would be a no. 

Castiel gets up and walks slowly over to Dean. The hunter doesn’t flinch at that and Castiel is glad for it. He reaches out to Dean and before he can say anything, Castiel carefully touches his cheek.

Dean has a bit of stubble there and Castiel decides he really likes the feeling under his palm. With just a touch of his grace he heals the black eye and smiles when Dean gasps at the cold sensation of it.

“I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky and I swear, like the shadow that’s by your side, I will always be there.” Castiel whispers and they both ignore the single tear that falls out of one of Dean’s beautiful green eyes, before Dean nods shakily and leaves.

Castiel thinks he should’ve kissed him.

 

*

 

Weeks later, when Sam doesn’t join them for breakfast, Castiel watches Dean as he makes them both some eggs. Just as Dean turns around, the pan slips out of his hand and crashes loudly on the ground.

“Fuck, sorry. I’m sorry.” Dean stammers and Castiel is more surprised at the outburst than the noise the pan made. Dean is already kneeling on the ground and tries to get rid of the mess.

Castiel snaps his fingers and the pan is cleaned and on the stove. The eggs are in the garbage and Dean’s jeans are cleaned. For at moment Dean doesn’t seem to realize that.

“Dean, hey. It’s okay. We can make new eggs.” Castiel whispers and he is afraid, that if he touches Dean, he will break. Dean looks around and he only calms down when he sees that the pan is not lying next to him anymore.

Castiel carefully helps him up and Dean seems to relax into his touch. When they are both standing he even leans with his full weight against Castiel, who holds him easily. Dean shudders.

“I’m sorry.” He says again and Castiel uses his grace another time. He doesn’t have to see Dean’s bruises to know there are some all over his body. Dean doesn’t say anything, but he has to feel the grace.

“Don’t be. Nothing happened. Would you like something different for breakfast? Sam showed me how to make pancakes.” Castiel says and Dean doesn’t even answer, when Castiel helps him onto one of the chairs.

They spend the next thirty minutes in silence, the only noise in the room is Castiel’s humming to the radio he turned on. Dean closes his eyes and Castiel hopes he focuses on him and not his bad memories.

“Here we go.” Castiel says and when he puts the pancakes in front of Dean he can’t help it and presses a short kiss to Dean’s temple. Dean doesn’t really react to that, at least not with words, but there is a tiny smile on his face.

Sometimes, Castiel wishes Dean would realize what he could have.

“Thank you, Cas.” Dean whispers, when Castiel sits down as well and they both start to eat. Castiel still tastes mostly molecules, but he made it a habit to eat with the Winchesters as often as he can.

“Anything for you.” Castiel says and it sounds so honest, that Dean stops eating. The fork was already halfway to his mouth and Dean’s eyes are wide. Castiel could spend hours just watching those green eyes.

“Why are you doing all this? I have a boyfriend.” Dean snaps and it’s such a change of the behaviour he had before that Castiel is now the surprised one. Dean was never really someone who would brag about his relationships before, yeah maybe there was some time when he did that with his one night stands, but he changed.

“I know.” Castiel answer, because he can still remember the first time he saw Arthur kissing Dean. Can remember the anger in his belly and the pure rage in his veins. He had thought it was just an easy hunt for the Winchesters and he hadn’t thought Dean would come back with a boyfriend.

“Then you shouldn't kiss me.” Dean says and he sounds so hurt again. Castiel knows that even his grace can’t heal every pain. Not the one Dean is having, at least not without wiping his memories. 

Castiel doesn’t answer this time, because he doesn’t want to apologize for this. He would never apologize for kissing Dean or taking care of him, no matter how Dean tries to shake him off.

“Why are you doing all this? Why are you pretending to care?” Dean says when the pancakes are long gone and he just plays with the fork in his hands. Castiel wishes he could show Dean how much he loves him, but he doesn’t think Dean would believe him.

“I do care, Dean. I have always cared about you and I won’t stop caring.” Castiel says and Dean nods, as if he knows that. He knows nothing. Castiel is the one who gets up this time and he takes Dean’s plate to the sink.

“I just don’t understand. I’m not… Cas, you have to see that I’m not worth it. The things I did… the things I will do are unforgivable. How can you be so sure that you will stay my friend.” Dean says and Castiel wonders if he thinks back to his time in hell.

Dean always tries to be strong for the sake of Sam and he never really shows emotions, besides his anger or his rage. Castiel knows how broken Dean sometimes feels and how often he cries alone in his room, when he thinks nobody is there. 

“I see questions in your eyes and I know what’s weighing on your mind, but you can be sure I know my heart.” Castiel says and when he turns back to the table, Dean is already gone.

“One day, I’ll show you.” Castiel whispers into the silence.

 

*

 

Castiel is the one shaking with anger a few weeks later, when Dean comes home late again, and this time nearly runs towards his room at the sight of Castiel waiting up for him.

“Dean!” Castiel says, because he saw the way Dean was limping and the tears on his face. Dean doesn’t answer, he doesn’t make a sound at all, but he is fast and his door closes right into Castiel’s face.

“Go away!” Dean yells through the door and Castiel sadly shakes his head. He doesn’t understand why Dean lets Arthur do these things to him. Dean is normally a proud man and he was never being so… submissive. 

“Please, Dean. I just want to help you.” Castiel says and he is standing with his back against the door. He imagines Dean doing the same and closes his eyes. It would be easy to open the door with his grace, but he doesn’t want to scare Dean even more.

“I don’t need help. It’s over!” Dean is nearly screaming at this point and Castiel turns around to pound at the door. He is not sure if Dean and he are talking about the same thing, but he can hear Dean just behind the door.

“Dean, please. Let me in!” Castiel says again and he tries to sounds more calmed and not angry. This time he hears the tiny sound of the key being turned and the door opens slowly. 

“Oh Dean.” Castiel says, when he sees Dean’s face. This time there are no bruises to see, but the tears are still visible on his beautiful face. Castiel’s heart breaks for him, when Dean takes a deep breath and starts crying all over again. 

“He… he…” Dean starts, but he doesn’t get more words out and the more he tries to, the more his breathing sounds shallow. Castiel takes one step into the room and hugs Dean as firm as he can, without hurting him.

“It’s okay Dean. I’m here.” Castiel whispers quietly against his temple and Dean shakes in his arms. It takes more than just ten minutes to calm him down and Castiel is glad, when Dean finally hugs back. There was a time, when Castiel was the awkward one.

“He… he said it’s over and threw me out.” Dean says, when he finally calmed down and Castiel hides his face against Dean’s cheek, so Dean wouldn’t see his expression. Castiel would need to visit Arthur later and show him a bit of his grace.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Castiel says and even though it’s not the first lie in his long life he ever told, this one is the biggest or at least it feels like it.

“I fucked up.” Dean says and Castiel shushes him, when he fears that Dean will start to cry all over again. Dean hiccups quietly and Castiel strokes over his wet hair from all the sweat. 

“Did he say that?” Castiel wants to know and Dean nods. He seems tired now that he calmed down a bit. When Dean rubs his hands over his face a few times, Castiel gently turns him around and goes to his bed with him.

Dean falls face first on it and Castiel rolls his eyes, but then carefully helps Dean to turn around. Just one lamp on his nightstand is on and the shadows on Dean’s face make him look even more sad.

“Why am I never good enough?” Dean asks and Castiel shakes his head. Of course Dean would only think about that. Arthur was an asshole and Castiel hopes that Dean does understand that, deep down under all his fears.

“You are, Dean. You are so much more than enough.” Castiel says and he uses his grace to change Dean’s clothes without embarrassing him. Dean looks surprised when he sees the dark red and grey pajamas, but he doesn’t say anything about it.

Castiel smiles when he pulls the blanket over him and Dean sighs happily at that. He wishes he could always have this. Dean yawns quietly and Castiel strokes his cheek again.

“How do you know?” Dean mutters and it takes Castiel a bit to understand, that Dean is talking about Castiel’s sentence just before.

“Because I’ll stand beside you through the years and with me you’ll only cry those happy tears. I know I’m not perfect and though I make mistakes, I’ll never break your heart.” Castiel says and Dean sniffles in his sleep. 

Castiel tucks the blanket a bit firmer around him. 

 

*

 

“Hello Dean.” Castiel says, when he finds Dean outside the bunker. Dean is sitting on an old blanket in front of baby and looks up to the dark sky. Castiel had checked his room and was really scared that Dean left them for Arthur again.

“Hey Cas.” Dean says quietly, but he doesn’t sound angry this time, a bit tired maybe but also a tiny bit happy. Castiel is glad.

“What are you doing out here?” Castiel wants to know and he sits down, when Dean clasps on the blanket next to him. Castiel sits a bit closer than needed, but Dean leans towards him as well, so he should be fine.

“Just thinking.” Dean says and he smiles a little bit. Castiel returns the smile and when he sees Dean’s laughter lines, he feels as good as he hadn’t in a long time. He always knew Arthur would be bad for him.

“About what?” Castiel asks and he sees how Dean leans back against Baby, before he looks up to the sky again. Castiel mirrors him and even though he still feels bad about heaven, he can’t deny that this is a beautiful sight.

“You.” Dean says, but when Castiel looks over to him, he isn’t looking back at Castiel.

“About me? Why?” Castiel asks and Dean chuckles a bit. His cheeks are red from the cold and Castiel would love to count each and every one of his freckles. Dean shrugs a bit awkwardly.

“I always think about you, that’s why Arthur broke things off.” Dean says calmly and Castiel is so surprised, he isn’t sure what he should answer. He was sure that Dean didn’t want him, because why would he take Arthur then?

“Oh.” Castiel says and he wants to punch himself, finally Dean takes a step towards him and Castiel isn’t sure what to do.

“I really thought Arthur would be good for me, you know? After… I mean Sam is happy with Eileen and I wanted that myself.” Dean says and he chuckles again. This time he doesn’t sound so happy.

“He is an asshole.” Castiel says and Dean snorts, so at least he doesn’t deny it.

“Yeah I still thought I deserved all of it. The yelling and even the punches sometimes, I didn’t even defend myself, just let him hurt me so I would stop… thinking about you.” Dean admits and the blush on his cheeks deepens. 

“You deserve only the good things, Dean! I told you that before.” Castiel says and Dean nods. He seems a bit lost in his thoughts and Castiel carefully leans a bit closer to him.

“Do I deserve you?” Dean asks and his eyes are so bright, when he looks back to Castiel. He seems to be afraid of the answer and Castiel has to reach out again, has to touch him. When he strokes over Dean’s cheek again, Dean smiles all shyly.

“Yes.” Castiel just says and Dean wants to duck his head at the answer. Castiel doesn’t let him, instead he leans the last bit over to Dean and presses his lips softly onto Deans. Just for a second.

Dean’s eyes are even more wide.

“You mean it?” Dean whispers and Castiel knows this is the moment he waited for. He finally can show Dean just how much he loved him all these years. Castiel smiles and nods.

“I always loved you.” Castiel says and he doesn’t sound nervous or even unsure about it. He needs Dean to understand. Dean gasps, but his eyes show Castiel everything he needs to know. 

“I’m so sorry it took me so long to see it.” Dean whispers, but Castiel puts his fingers over Dean’s lips. They are softer than he’d thought. Dean kisses his fingertips with a smile and Castiel groans. One day Dean Winchester will be the death of him. Again.

“I would’ve waited forever.” Castiel says and then he is done with talking. Dean doesn’t object, when Castiel kisses him again. It’s the opposite, because Dean whines quietly against his lips, but not because he complains.

Castiel’s hands find their way back to Dean’s cheekbones and Dean’s right hand is in his hair. Castiel licks over his lips and Dean opens his mouth eagerly. Castiel hums against his mouth. Dean tastes better than anything he ever had eaten as a human.

“Cas.” Dean murmurs quietly and Castiel has to smile. He breaks the kiss, while Dean tries to chase him, his eyes still closed.

“Dean.” Castiel whispers and Dean opens his eyes. 

“Will you stay?” Dean asks and his under lip trembles. Castiel takes Dean’s hand in his and grips it tight.

“I would never leave you, Dean and I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky, I’ll be there. I swear like a shadow that’s by your side, I’ll be there.” Castiel says again and Dean grins widely.

“I remember when you first said that. I was so afraid, that I only imagined it.” Dean whispers and Castiel nods. He is glad that Dean remembers, even though he still stayed with Arthur after it.

Dean shudders a bit now, so Castiel pulls another blanket out of nowhere and puts it around them. Dean immediately cuddles against his side, one hand directly over Castiel’s heart.

“I’m afraid.” Dean says and Castiel puts his own hand around Dean’s again. Dean smiles, but he is still shaking a bit, this time not because of the cold.

“Of what?” Castiel wants to know and he presses another kiss to Dean’s temple. He can’t get enough now.

“Arthur was nice to me as well at first and I know you aren’t like him… but what if I’m dreaming, Cas? I dreamed this so many times before. I was so sure that I could never have you and that’s why… I thought, rather Arthur than dying alone.” Dean explains and Castiel is so glad that he is finally talking about his feelings.

“I understand Dean, but I promise you, for better or worse, till death do us part, I’ll love you with every beat of my heart and I swear I’ll give you everything I can.” 

Dean’s eyes well up again, but Castiel can feel that he isn’t sad. Instead, Dean kisses him again and Castiel melts into the kiss. Dean is now right where he belongs, in his arms.

“Thank you.” Dean whispers and Castiel shakes his head. Dean should know that this is normal in a relationship. That he should be treated like this.

“I’ll build your dreams with these two hands. We’ll hang some memories on the walls.” Castiel continues and he uses his grace again to show Dean some of his favorite memories of them.

Their first meeting. Dean chuckles hoarse at that and Castiel smiles as well. It took them a long time. There are a lot of pictures and each of them seems to bring Dean a lot of joy.

“Arthur always said you would never want me.” Dean says and he reaches out for one of the pictures, where it’s obvious that Castiel still doesn’t understand the concept of personal space.

“I will never stop wanting you.” Castiel says and it’s a bit more cheeky this time, Dean seems to realize that as well, because he chuckles. 

“Even if I still make mistakes?” Dean asks and Castiel nods. He knows that Arthur did hurtful things to Dean, but he would do his best to erase those memories out of Dean’s head without using his grace.

“Of course.” Castiel says and Dean’s smile is so wide, that Castiel just has to kiss him again. This time the kiss stays longer and Dean turns around, so he is sitting on Castiel’s lap. Dean even groans quietly and it’s the best sound Castiel ever heard.

“And when just the two of us are there?” Dean whispers and Castiel doesn’t need to think about it.

“You won’t have to ask if I still care, because as the turns the page, my love won’t age at all.” Castiel promises and Dean smiles so hard, that the next kiss turns a bit awkward. Castiel loves it anyway.

“I love you.” Dean says so quietly that Castiel wouldn’t have heard it, if he was still human. Castiel nuzzles his nose against Dean, he can’t help it and Dean laughs again at that. Castiel would make sure to make him happy for every day for the rest of his life.

“I love you, too Dean.” Castiel says and he slowly helps Dean from his lap, instead he lays them down on the blanket. Dean looks up to him, a bit confused, but then Castiel gets on top of him and Dean groans again.

“Show me how much you love me.” Dean whispers into the cold night and Castiel presses soft kisses on his neck. It just takes another bit of his grace to undress them in one second and Dean gasps.

“I can’t wait.” Castiel explains and he looks Dean’s body all over. Luckily there are no new bruises and he would show Dean how it should be, how carefully and loving he would fuck him.

“Please, Cas.” Dean whimpers and Castiel could never deny him anything. He presses more kisses all over Dean’s skin and he loves to find more freckles all over Dean’s body. He wouldn’t tell Dean that his kisses leave some as well. Kisses from an angel, just like Mary told him so many years ago.

He opens Dean up slowly. First with one finger and even when Dean tries to wiggles back to him, Castiel has enough patience. Unlike Arthur, he doesn't want to hurt Dean. He wants to love him.

When Dean easily fucks himself on three of Castiel’s fingers, Castiel pulls them out and Dean arches his back at the loss. Castiel pulls the blanket tighter around him, even though his grace should warm Dean enough. 

“You are the only one for me.” Castiel whispers, when he finally thrusts his dick into Dean. The sound Dean makes is better than anything the choir of angels could ever sing in heaven.

“Cas.” Dean says again and again, as if he is in a trance and Castiel kisses him quiet. He doesn’t want anyone to hear them, but he has to say Dean is so pretty like this. 

“I’m here Dean. I’m all yours.” Castiel whispers back between their kisses and Dean moans again when Castiel considers them both ready and thrusts into Dean, who gasps again.

“So good Cas. Love you.” Dean rattles and Castiel chuckles into their next kiss. Dean smiles as well, until Castiel finally finds what he was searching for. Dean cries out, when Castiel presses right up against his prostate. 

“Touch yourself for me, Dean.” Castiel whispers into Dean’s ear and Dean shudders, but he still presses his hand between them and touches himself. Slowly at first, but when Castiel hits his prostate with every thrust, Dean’s pace speeds up as well. 

“I’m gonna…” Dean says and that’s when Castiel’s hand joins Dean’s and the moment he touches Dean’s dick for the first time ever, Dean’s eyes roll back and he comes all over their hands with the scream of Castiel’s name. 

It’s enough to throw Castiel over the edge as well.

“Fuck.” Dean mutters, when he can breath again and Castiel chuckles, before he carefully rolls down off Dean and next to him on the blanket. Castiel doesn’t need to breath, but he feels a bit breathless as well now.

“I’m so glad you’re here with me.” Castiel whispers and Dean cuddles closer again. It seems like he can’t get enough of Castiel now. Dean nods sleepily and then they both just lay there together and watch the stars.

“And I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky, I’ll be there. I swear. like the shadow that’s by your side, I’ll be there.” Dean hums quietly and Castiel laughs. Seems like Dean finally recognized the song.

“For better or worse, till death do us part. I’ll love you with every beat of my heart and I swear.” Castiel sings quietly and Dean slaps his chest.

“I can’t believe you got me with a freaking love song.” Dean says and he tries to sound angry, his smile is way too wide though. Castiel does the only right thing.

He kisses Dean quiet, like he should’ve from the start.

**Author's Note:**

> So who wants to come with me and beat Arthur up? ;) 
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://notfunnydean.tumblr.com)
> 
> I started doing commissions on tumblr, so you can check this out here and my kofi page is [here](https://ko-fi.com/Y8Y3QRS5) Thank you so much!


End file.
